Cast:
Cave Johnson – Camper
Jimmy Clark – Doomsday Prepper
Jeremy scout – Athlete
Tommy spades – Book worm
Robert Bruce – Hunter
Five people awake in a room. You’re in a stone room. There’s water on the floor. It’s very dark. Glow sticks litter the floor emitting a soft yellow light.
Jeremy Scout : I’m gonna break a glow stick.
Tommy Spades : Were we at some rave?
Jeremy Scout : I don’t know.
Tommy Spades : Did you drag me to a rave?
Jeremy Scout : I didn’t drag you to a rave. I didn’t even go to a rave.
Tommy Spades : I mean, I would have come to one of these if otherwise.
Jeremy Scout : I didn’t do this. I don’t even go to raves.
Cave Johnson : Quiet. My head hurts.
Jimmy Clark : Whoa. How did I get here?
Tommy Spades : Who’s that?
Jeremy Scout : They probably dragged us to this rave.
Jimmy Clark : Aren’t you mean? Who are you guys? I know that dude. He sells me Elk meat.
Tommy Spades : Who does?
Jimmy Clark : Robert Bruce.
Tommy Spades : Sounds historical.
Jeremy Scout : Tomorrow is the baseball game. I was going to sleep for the baseball game.
Cave Johnson : Again, quiet. My head hurts.
Tommy Spades : Everyone’s does.
Jimmy realizes that his equipment is missing.
Jimmy Clark : We don’t have our gear?
Cave Johnson : I’m missing my gear too! I had a walking stick, matches, and a first aid kit.
Tommy looks around.
Tommy Spades : Where are we?
Jeremy Scout : Those bastards took my baseball bat.
After picking up a glow stick Cave locates a metal ladder that leads 20 feet up into a circular hatch door.
Cave Johnson : I’m going to try and climb the ladder.
Robert Bruce : Don’t break it!
Cave climbs the ladder. The wheel lock for the hatch door is held in place by a sturdy chain attached to an exposed piece of rebar. A heavy duty padlock keeps the chain in place. You will need a key to escape or something. A camera is fixed to the wall near the hatch. It’s wires extending deeper into the complex.
Tommy Spades : What do you see up there?
Cave Johnson : The hatch is locked. I can’t get this open without a key.
Tommy locates a cement brick door. The walls all seem to made from precase concrete. The room smells wet and musty, but not of sewage.
Cave Johnson : I think that we are underground.
Robert Bruce : So we all got kidnapped and brought here. And we all got stripped so we’re now running around a bunch of dudes in a basement naked.
Cave Johnson : We’re not naked.
Cave Johnson : Wrong fantasy, Bob. The way this hatch is locked could only be done from the inside. If we didn’t lock this hatch… someone must be in here with us.
Jimmy Clark : I think I saw this in a movie before.
Tommy Spades : There’s probably another exit then.
Robert Bruce : There might be.
Tommy Spades : Which movie? There are plenty of movies with this.
Cave Johnson : That’s a good point.
Jimmy Clark : Maybe one of us has the key inside of our stomach.
Jeremy Scout : What is this, Saw?
Tommy Spades : What?
Jeremy Scout : Is he doing something from Saw?
Tommy Spades : What’s that? I don’t watch horror movies.
Jeremy Scout : I told you to watch horror movies. I literally invited you.
Robert Bruce : I can’t fraternize with students. It’s weird. Hurry.
Jeremy Scout : You can.
Robert Bruce : Just don’t look. That teacher.
Tommy Spades : We can’t get out of here. Everybody grab all the glow sticks you can find. Let’s head out of here and see if we can find a way out.
Robert Bruce : I want to find a way to make these explode.
Tommy Spades : We don’t have a microwave.
Robert Bruce : I don’t know.
Cave Johnson : That’s not how glow sticks work. They don’t explode in microwaves.
Robert Bruce : They do explode in microwaves. Bad.
Cave Johnson : I’ve never attempted that.
Jimmy Clark : Don’t.
Tommy Spades : I saw it and it was bad.
Robert Bruce : Yeah, it’ll blow the microwave up.
Cave Johnson : I wish you could show me on your tablet.
Robert Bruce : Look up videos. They have them on YouTube. Of exploding glow sticks and it will destroy the microwave.
Cave Johnson : He doesn’t have his tablet. I don’t have a phone.
Tommy Spades : Go first. You’re athletic and stuff. Go.
Jeremy Scout : Never split up. We should only go with a buddy.
Tommy Spades : Yeah, we’re all going to go, right? Because there’s nowhere to go in here.
Cave Johnson : I mean, we’ve already established that going up the ladder doesn’t get us out of here.
Cave comes down the ladder.
Jimmy Clark : Can I do a first action check to find some? Let’s see if I can find the key somewhere.
GM : Okay. You find glow sticks they think are leading out.
Jeremy Scout : I’m going to follow the glow sticks.
Cave Johnson : Okay, so we’re going to stick together.
Tommy Spades : Let’s pick up all but one glow stick. We have one here to show that we’re here. That we’ve been here. In case we turn into some weird circle or something.
Cave Johnson : All right, we’ll put the glow stick right at the base of the ladder.
Tommy Spades : Okay.
Jeremy Scout : No! Put it in the middle of the hallway.
Cave Johnson : We don’t want to accidentally run into the ladder. That would hurt.
Jeremy Scout : Oh yeah, put one there and one at the ladder.
Robert Bruce : None of us know how the heck we got here.
Robert Bruce : We were all drugged.
Tommy Spades : That’s what I said. He said he didn’t drug me.
Jeremy Scout : I wanted to go to sleep. There was a baseball game tomorrow. You really think I’m going to go to a rave when there’s a baseball game tomorrow?
Robert Bruce : Maybe.
Cave Johnson : You’re an student. Students are impulsive sometimes.
The group follows the glow stick trail and comes down a short tunnel lined by ceiling mounted televisions and wired cages, each connected by bundled cables that run along the ceiling all the way back towards the entrance and deeper into the complex going the other way.
As Tommy looks at the TV he sees grainy video and recognizes his apartment. The video is of him, coming home late from work. As he approach the door, oblivious as a man dressed all in black emerges from the shadows, huge and looming behind you. He never had a chance. Tommy’s stomach knots up as he sees the stranger jab a hypodermic needle into his arm and he watches the recording of himself struggling feebly before passing out. The stranger drags Tommy off screen.
Tommy Spades : You’re going to have to check yourself, see if you’ve been rejected with a needle.
Cave Johnson : Yeah, my arm’s a little ouchy.
Jeremy Scout : I have one on my leg.
Video on the TVs shows each person a variation of the same situation of being abducted.
Robert Bruce : My butt hurts.
Tommy Spades : Yeah, it’s really weird. The needle was enormous. But it disappeared when it got next to you.
Cave Johnson : It wasn’t a needle.
Robert Bruce : Who did this to me? Oh my god. Was it you? Was it you?
The tunnel comes to a T-junction and a television hangs over the junction beside the camera. It comes on the screen, flashing blue, with footage of sharks in a frenzy over Chum. Visceral human screaming, more real than anything from the movies, plays over the footage. Then the screaming stopped, replaced by a composed voice. Welcome, contestants! You have been selected to participate in our game show, Aqua Love. Our viewership is small, but generous with its donations. Take note, it is against the rules to damage any of the cameras you see arrayed about the sewer complex. You will be prohibited from winning if you do so. Here is how to win. You must find the key and open the hatch to escape. You must do this before the rising waters fill the complex. There are multiple keys hidden throughout the tunnels, as well as numerous lockers which hold the effects you had before you came here.
You are not alone down here. You share the tunnels with something that has no fear of the water. Its goal in this game is to kill as many of you as possible before you escape the tunnels. Good luck!
Tommy Spades : Michael Phelps on cocaine?
Jeremy Scout : This is clearly just shallow box. Are we sure this isn’t, like, Jason Voorhees?
The sound of rushing water fills the complex as the video ends, echoing down the concrete corridors.
Jeremy Scout : Fuck, where’s the lockers?
Tommy Spades : Where’s the key?
A low passage extends to the left and right beyond the left television. The ground is lower, sloping into a shallow trench that is slowly flooding. Glow sticks light the way down in both directions from beneath the water.
Robert Bruce : Well, so we might be able to find some things to defend ourselves, anyway. Pick a direction to go. Let’s go. That way. Let’s go to the right. Let’s go. We’ll stick together.
Tommy Spades : We’re going.
Robert Bruce : Let’s go.
Jimmy Clark : We should explore the places filling first before they’re full of water. The whole place is filling.
Jeremy Scout : He’s saying we should explore downwards, so that way they were…
Tommy Spades : We have no idea if any of these places are at a higher elevation than the other.
Tommy Spades : Heading down this way.
Robert Bruce : Okay.
Jeremy Scout : If I get my bat, I might be able to knock that thing out.
The group approaches a room. Water is at their feet.
Tommy Spades : No sense in being quiet. We’re going to splash everywhere we go, so…
This room lies to the right of the junction. It is ringed by six televisions and wire cages which flicker to life as seen with anyone’s foot in the room. Footage on the screen is of sharks tearing into chum. In red, spreading throughout the water. There’s blue and red light coming from the TVs. From that light, you can see a small metal tray hanging by a chain from the ceiling. The tray contains a flashlight and a small, nondescript key.
Tommy Spades : A key, Get it!
Jeremy Scout : I guess since I’m the fastest, I’m going to grab the key and the flashlight. Okay.
Robert Bruce : I’m going to try to memorize the hallways and stuff in the directions that we’re going down.
There’s a tunnel going to the left at a 90 degree.
So the tray was wielded to the chain and can’t be removed, but the key and flashlight came away just fine.
Jeremy Scout : Does the thing have batteries?
The flashlight has batteries. It emits low light, but some light.
Cave Johnson : I mean, it’s more than the glow stick. It’s just directional.
Tommy Spades : If it’s a crappy D-cell flashlight, it might be just as much as the glow stick, but more directional.
Cave Johnson : Damn.
Robert Bruce : If it’s a mag light, a long mag light, you could break somebody’s head with that thing.
Cave Johnson : Alright, now that we have a key, does it look like the kind of key that would match the padlock that was on the thing? Or does it look like a different kind of key that might go to a locker or something?
Jeremy Scout : I pass the key to him.
Cave observes that the key is small and gold, the lock is large and silver.
Robert Bruce : Okay, do we want to go run back and try it since we’re close, or do we want to keep going?
Cave Johnson : No, it doesn’t look like it goes to the padlock that I saw. I think we need…
Tommy Spades : Maybe it goes to a locker.
Cave Johnson : It might. Let’s continue.
Tommy Spades : And that was in this room, right? Yeah. Okay, so yeah, we’re going to head down here.
The group goes down a Long Tunnel. The tunnel goes a long way down, further than the flashlight will reach. They can see the wheel lock to a hatched door 30 yards down to the left.
Jeremy tries to break the lock open. It’s stuck.
They can see that the tunnel continues onward, a narrow pathway that’s about 20 yards deep, and it leads to a cylindrical chamber 10 feet across. A tray is affixed to the concrete on the opposite wall.
Jeremy Scout : I should probably run in.
The tray has three keys.
Jeremy Scout : I’m going to run in.
Jimmy Clark : There’s some keys in that room on that tray.
The baseball player runs into the room.
Tommy Spades : Be careful in there. Go get those keys.
Jeremy runs in. He grabs the keys.
Jeremy hands all the keys to Cave.
They’re small gold keys.
Cave Johnson : They’re all small gold keys.
Robert Bruce : They’re like master lock keys, probably.
Cave Johnson : These probably all go to the lockers.
Tommy Spades : Possibly. Possibly. We don’t really know yet.
Jimmy Clark : How many keys were there? Three?
GM : Three.
Tommy Spades : Now you have a total of four.
Cave Johnson : Yes. So they’re all the same size and shape, but they are keyed differently. The keys are numbered one, two, three, and five.
Jeremy Scout : What happened to four?
Tommy Spades : It took a vacation.
Robert Bruce : So far, it took a vacation. Okay. Forward.
Tommy Spades : One, two, three, five. Four, sir. Come down to here.
Tommy shines the light down the tunnel. He can see that it’s a long tunnel, longer than your light travels.
Tommy Spades : Well, it’s the only way to go.
The water level is about mid-calf.
The group goes down the black tunnel with the higher ceiling. Water level was rising as you broke down the passage.
Tommy is trying to memorize the layout of the facility and notices that there’s an ominous sight above the ceiling. Razor-sharp blades are welded onto a long track extending down the ceiling. Track is screwed onto the ceiling periodically along the tunnel, bracketed on either side by rails.
At the end of the tunnel is a clamped circular chamber ten feet in diameter. Set into an alcove. At the far end of the chamber is a tray with a key on it.
Jeremy Scout : I’m gonna run in and grab the key.
The click was the only warning you got, and then the room erupts in violent motion. A metal platform bursts from the floor, racing up, tracks hidden just inside the chamber. It terminates half a foot from the blades on the ceiling. This inflicts damage to the victim.
Cave Johnson : There’s tracks on the walls that brought the floor up.
Tommy Spades : Okay.
Cave Johnson : Can we figure it out from here before we walk in here and step on another pressure plate?
Tommy Spades : Nope, I just…
Cave Johnson : Can the guy with mechanics free himself, or… Does it have to be someone besides him?
Robert Bruce : I mean, he’s stabby. A lot of stabby. Obviously.
Tommy Spades : If he drags it…
Jeremy is stabbed and hurt. He looks at the mechanism, to see if there’s a way to get himself down. It takes him a little bit to analyze the mechanism.
Jeremy Scout : So basically you just snip the red wire. But not the blue wire, just the red wire. It’s like bomb defusal from movies.
Tommy Spades : Okay, everybody push up on… This is a tiny bit, and I’ll push in the spring-loaded thing that’s holding them up there.
Cave Johnson : Okay.
Tommy Spades : Whatever, we’ll figure it out.
The platform slides back down.
Cave Johnson : Don’t let the thing fall all the way back down.
Jeremy Scout : Yeah, if only we were going to try and push it over.
Tommy Spades : I don’t want it to reset.
Tommy Spades : Does anybody know any medicine or anything like that? First aid.
Cave Johnson : I know first aid, but I don’t have my first aid kit.
Tommy Spades : Well, can someone look at his… His back looks pretty messed up. Can we just look at it and make sure it’s not going to bleed out or on us or something?
Robert Bruce : We can use rags or strips of cloth.
Cave uses strips of cloth to sort of stop the bleeding.
Cave Johnson : Stop running into the rooms without checking stuff out first.
Tommy Spades : Okay, apparently that’s… We didn’t know. It’s no one’s fault. Let’s just try and figure out…
Cave Johnson : Let’s try and be more careful. We’ll watch more carefully. I’ll go grab the next key.
Cave approaches the next key. It is hopelessly affixed to the tray in a mass of congealed stupid glue. It’s a large silver key.
Cave Johnson : Okay, it’s a large silver key.
Tommy Spades : You said the padlock was silver, right?
Cave Johnson : Yeah, I think it might be the key that matches the thing.
Cave his the tray with the key until the key, coated in super glue, releases from the metal tray.
Cave Johnson : All right, I have the blob with the key. I don’t know how to get it out of here.
Jeremy Scout : If I had my baseball bat, I could whack it off.
Tommy Spades : Let’s take that door. I’m going to investigate the door.
As soon as you peek around the corner, a snarl and roar booms up from the passage.
Jeremy & Cave gasp.
Tommy screams. He runs screaming in the direction his choice.
Tommy Spades : Ah, screw this!
Jeremy Scout : Teach!
Tommy runs about 15 feet and then decides to come back.
Jimmy & Robert are paralyzed with fear, frozen in place.
Robert Bruce : What the hell was that?
Tommy Spades : Anybody know what that was? I’ve never heard that before.
Cave Johnson : Is it an animal? Canines make roars.
Tommy Spades : Huh?
Cave Johnson : Felines make roars.
Robert Bruce : Alright.
Cave Johnson : Well, canines make howls.
Tommy Spades : Wait a minute.
Cave Johnson : Hold on. We haven’t heard anything for a while.
Robert Bruce : It could just be on a TV.
Cave Johnson : That’s true. It could just be on… We’re not hearing anything outside the door. Just go up to the door and listen.
Tommy Spades : Do you hear any like scratching or walking in the water outside the door?
GM : Um… You just listen at the door? Go ahead and make a roll.
Tommy Spades : Um… Six.
GM : Okay. You don’t hear anything else right now. And you’re pretty confident that you can hear clearly. Like you can hear the water. Okay. It is now at your knees.
Cave Johnson : I don’t think there’s anything out there.
Tommy Spades : We’ve got to move this water.
Cave Johnson : I’ll open the door. I’m going to step through if the door opens.
You see a speaker hanging from the ceiling. The sound effects cease as soon as you saw the speaker. The tunnel appears to go on about 50 yards.
Jeremy Scout : If I see any cameras, I’m flipping them off.
Cave Johnson : You can’t win if you do that.
Jeremy Scout : No, no. The rules say that I can’t break them.
Cave Johnson : Oh, I said… Never mind.
Robert Bruce : Technically, does it say we can’t tamper with them? Or does it say we can’t break them?
You can see a vague shade set into the wall. There are two alcoves off to the right of this hallway. They appear to be to the left.
Cave Johnson : We’ll check later.
There are two alcoves to the right. The first is about 15 yards and leads into another chamber. The second is 5 yards from the end and is simply a hatch from what you can tell.
Tommy Spades : Okay, which… Which way? Alright.
Robert Bruce : I’m in that room. Going into… I’m gonna… I’m gonna check it out to see if I see anything like the previous trap. Or anything that looks utterly disturbingly freaking dangerous.
Cave Johnson : Look for tracks on the walls. We saw the… Yep. That’s a problem.
Robert Bruce : Tracks on the walls and things in the ceiling or things in the floor. Obvious… Obvious things that look nasty in anything in the room.
On the far wall is a tray affixed to the concrete. Okay, this alcove is actually a low hall leading into the cylindrical chamber 10 feet across. On the far wall a tray is fixed to the concrete. The tray has two keys on it.
Jeremy Scout : Should I try and run in and grab the keys?
Robert Bruce : No.
There’s a hollow ceiling above the pit. And then it’s filled with large plastic drums, like rain barrels. Connected to the tray by cleverly hidden wires. There’s a camera in this room as well.
Jeremy Scout : What happens if we snip the wires?
Cave Johnson : You don’t have anything to snip them with.
Robert Bruce : It’s just a little deeper. The water would be like slightly deeper in that room. So if it’s knee deep out here, it’s a little deeper in there.
Cave Johnson : Okay, well, I guess I’ll go towards the keys
Cave enters the room in about waist deep water now, everyone else is about mid-thigh. So you’ve noticed that the large plastic drums are connected to the tray by hidden wires. And there’s a camera basically pointing at him
Cave Johnson : Can I figure out if there’s a way for me to get the keys without triggering this mechanical trap?
Tommy Spades : Are those keys different?
Cave is looking at little gold keys.
Cave Johnson : Some more gold keys.
Robert Bruce : Take them, and let’s go.
Cave is looking at the wires attached to the tray. Jeremy approaches next to Cave.
Attempting to take the keys will trigger the trap.
Cave Johnson : Does it look like it’s a weight-based thing? Like if I put something else there, I could take the keys without triggering? I am Indiana Jones.
Tommy Spades : The only other thing we have are more keys.
Cave takes off his shirt, and I puts it on the tray instead of the keys.
He hears a crack, and the contents of the drums pour down over his head.
Jimmy Clark : Oh, no.
Cave and Jermry are paralyzed with fear
Jeremy Scout : Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Their skin starts to burn. Jeremy covers his eyes.
Cave goes towards the exit. The burning gets worse and worse.
Jeremy jump in the water.
Tommy Spades : Get that stuff off you. Quick. Just dive in the water. I’m just… We don’t know what it is. It might just work off.
The white phosphorus on Cave is now starting to catch fire.
Tommy Spades : Yeah. Under. Now. Under. Under.
Getting under the water rinses off enough of the white phosphorus to stop the reaction. The keys are on the bottom of the pool and within reach.
Jeremy Scout : I grab the keys.
Tommy Spades : Okay.
Jeremy Scout : We have all the keys.
Jimmy Clark : Are there any other… like, hallways, doorways we can see where we’re at?
Tommy Spades : Yeah, there’s a door here and this is some type of a cage or… portcullis thing. I don’t know.
Jeremy Scout : Let’s not go that direction.
Tommy Spades : Yeah, let’s get the hell back.
Cave Johnson : I think we need to explore at least to the end of the hallway.
Robert Bruce : At least we got those keys.
Jeremy Scout : Hallway!
Tommy Spades : So we come down this way to… as far as we need to so we can see in here. Not gonna go right up to the edge of the… whatever that is, but…
You see the shape at the end of the hall is some kind of wench or motor. Two horizontal cylinders with gear like teeth that fit together.
Jeremy Scout : Ugh, a robot. What is this?
Tommy Spades : It’s a winch. We’ve talked about this in class so many times.
Jeremy Scout : I’m going to call them robots.
A figure looms into view with goggle eyes. It shoots a harpoon at Jimmy Clark.
Jimmy Clark : Jesus.
Jeremy Scout : I wasn’t dumb enough to get at the front!
Tommy Spades : You’re the whale.
The view is obscured of a large figure, 6’6″, goggle eyes, brawny.
Jeremy dodges the harpoon. It lands in Caves shoulder. It’s a harpoon with a rope on it.
Robert Bruce : I’m gonna snip the rope.
Cave Johnson : That’s not how that works.
Jeremy Scout : Can I try and cut the rope?
Robert Bruce : You don’t have anything to cut it with.
Jeremy Scout : I have my hands.
Cave Johnson : No, that’s not gonna cut the rope.
Jeremy Scout : Shit.
The wench begins to turn at high speed as soon as the hatch door closes. The wench draws taut the rope caught in by its gears, the same one attached to the harpoon, and drags the victim towards its loosely tied end.
Jeremy Scout : I’m gonna try and pull the harpoon out of him.
Cave quickly unties the rope from the harpoon.
Cave Johnson : Great.
Tommy Spades : You get pulled a little bit, right?
Jeremy Scout : Yeah.
Jimmy Clark : Only 2d6 damage.
Robert Bruce : Now you have a harpoon in you. That’s nice. You have burns and a harpoon now.
Cave Johnson : And all the keys.
Jeremy Scout : I have two keys.
Robert Bruce : Okay, you look after him now.
Jeremy Scout : I’m just going to give him the keys, and I’m going to try and pick him up.
Tommy Spades : Give me the keys.
Cave Johnson : Fine, here’s the keys.
Jeremy Scout : Here are my two keys.
The dude is still here with an axe and a combat knife.
Jeremy Scout : Everyone run!
He’s just sort of looming behind the machine.
Cave Johnson : All right, let’s get away from here.
Tommy Spades : We’re just going to go away.
Jeremy Scout : I’m going to carry a hand like…
Cave Johnson : No, you’re not.
Robert Bruce : Look, I can dodge.
Tommy Spades : So you’re first.
Robert Bruce : I want to take his axe and his combat knife.
Tommy Spades : If you want to stay back here by yourself and fight him, have at it.
Robert Bruce : No, I don’t want to do that.
Jeremy Scout : Dude, don’t do that.
Robert Bruce : I would like it if everybody else would punch him.
It’s a long black hall. You make it to the big room. Whoever was out last, you see this guy is pursuing you slowly like a freaking horror movie villain.
Cave Johnson : It’s Shia LaBeouf
Robert Bruce : He’s Jason Voorhees.
Jeremy Scout : Yeah, I said so.
Cave Johnson : It’s clearly Shia LaBeouf.
Robert Bruce : Definitely.
You found the locker room. There is a pit in the middle of this room, 7 feet lower than the rest of the sewers. A lip around it, 2 feet high, prevents it from flooding. Water is starting to pour into the bottom of the pit. What’s at the bottom of the pit? You can see lockers. They are shut with small gold padlocks.
Jimmy Clark : Give me the keys.
The number of the lockers is equal to 6.
Jeremy Scout : Pass me the keys, I’ll run down there and toss out everyone’s stuff.
Tommy Spades : No, you’re helping him.
Cave Johnson : I wish he wasn’t.
Tommy Spades : I’m going to jump into the water, because I have the keys.
Jeremy Scout : Toss me my tire iron and my baseball bat.
It’s flooded enough to where you can get in without taking fall damage.
Tommy Spades : I’ll get out. I’ll sploosh down and help you guys. I’ll hand you guys stuff.
The water is rapidly filling in, so he’s going to be able to probably swim out. Alright. The keys have little numbers on them.
Tommy Spades : I try one on that one.
Tommy finds Jimmy Clark’s gear.
Tommy Spades : I use the second key in a different one.
He finds the trucker hat.
Tommy Spades : I just let it go, and it flows to the top of the water.
Robert Bruce : You’re going to find your tablet, but it’s submerged in the water.
Your stuff is in the Ziploc bag. Your gun is in the Ziploc bag. Anything that will be destroyed by water is in the Ziploc bag. Otherwise, it’s kind of wet.
Cave Johnson : I’m so grateful that my matchbook is going to be in a Ziploc bag.
Jeremy Scout : I’m so grateful that my tire iron is going to be in a Ziploc bag.
Tommy comes back up, take a quick breath, and go back down. Number three key in that end.
Cave’s items are recovered next.
Tommy Spades : We got four. Okay. We got key four? Yeah. Okay, we’ll use key four in the next one.
Tommy finds his own items next. Luckily, the tablet is in a Ziploc bag.
Tommy Spades : How many lockers are left closed? Two. Okay. I go down with number five key and use that one.
Jeremy Scout : I’ll take my baseball bat and my tire iron and my backpack because I have them in the backpack.
Tommy Spades : Perfect. What else? Everybody has their stuff. Do you want me to open this last one?
Jeremy Scout : Yes.
Robert Bruce : Sure.
Tommy Spades : Could be a trick.
Jeremy Scout : Do it.
Tommy Spades : Get it done. Do it.
Robert Bruce : We believe in you, dude.
Tommy Spades : I’ll use the sixth key in the last open or last crate or locker.
In this locker, you find a face mask, an oxygen tank, a harpoon gun with one harpoon, a handheld meat hook, and a glass vial of clear unlabeled solution and an empty tube of super glue.
Jeremy Scout : I’m just putting this stuff in my backpack.
Tommy Spades : It’s getting deep in here. I’ll bring this stuff up.
He is behind you. And he gets to go first because he’s behind you.
Tommy Spades : He’s going to axe you a question.
He swings with the axe.
Robert Bruce : I want that axe.
Jeremy Scout : I want to kill this motherfucker.
Robert Bruce : What was in that locker? Was there melee weapons in that locker?
Cave Johnson : Well, I have my walking stick, so yes.
Robert Bruce : I need, no, in that other locker. The locker that had other stuff.
Tommy Spades : There was a meat hook in there.
Robert Bruce : Whatever somebody handed me, as it was coming out of that locker, I will take it.
Jeremy Scout : I’m just taking, I took the face mask and the glue and the vial.
Robert Bruce : I would rather shoot it with a harpoon.
Jeremy Scout : I’d rather have my baseball bat. If you shoot it with a harpoon, then it will have a harpoon.
Robert Bruce : Do I have the harpoon gun?
Robert starts loading the harpoon gun?
Jeremy swings and misses Aqua Lung with the bat.
Jimmy Clark : I’m gonna move around to the other side of the pit and pop off with my 9mm. I’ll go behind the meat shield. I’ll hide behind the meat shield.
Robert Bruce : Is he dead?
Jeremy Scout : What shape is this thing in? I only have 11 rounds left.
Tommy Spades : Make them count.
Jimmy Clark : Did I injure him?
Aqua Lung is injured . You can’t tell how bad of shape he’s in. Because he’s in a diver’s suit, like a black rubber diver’s suit.
Jeremy Scout : I’m going to aim for his head.
Tommy swims over to the side and climbs out.
Cave walks away through the waist high water.
Aqua Lung hits Robert with the axe.
Jimmy Clark : He axed you a question.
Tommy Spades : You wanted it really bad. He just gave it to you.
Robert Bruce : I’m going to take it.
Tommy Spades : We’re just humans, dude.
Robert Bruce : Fuck, really?
Tommy Spades: You guys need to go to the hospital. I’m okay.
Cave Johnson : For now.
Robert Bruce : I’m going to shoot him in the chest with a bloody harpoon gun.
Robert puts the harpoon gun up into the bullet wound that was in his chest, and I fire it up through the top of his skull. As Aqua Lung falls, Robert grabs the axe.
Jeremy Scout : I’m going to grab the knife.
Robert Bruce : No, that’s mine too.
Jeremy Scout : Wow.
Robert Bruce : I’m not going to be a dick. Alright.
Jeremy Scout : I’m letting him have this time.
Robert Bruce : Somebody needs the scuba gear.
Jeremy Scout : I’ll grab the scuba gear.
Tommy Spades : We need to get out of here.
Robert Bruce : Yeah, and we need to go. Did he have anything else fun?
Jeremy Scout : The combat knife?
Aqua Lung has a large silver key on a string around his neck. Tommy grabs the key.
Robert Bruce : And I’m going to pull the harpoon out of his fucking head.
Jeremy Scout : I have the key!
Jeremy Scout : Well, let’s unlock the hatch.
Tommy Spades : I’m just climbing to the top with the key.
Somebody has the meat hook, I imagine.
Tommy Spades : I was just tossing stuff up to you guys. I don’t think you guys… I don’t think he’s got a melee weapon, do you? Do you have a melee weapon?
Cave Johnson : Yeah, I have a walking stick.
On the TVs it’s a sad montage of greatest hits of Aqualung.
Robert Bruce : Aqualung’s greatest hits
In the history of the game, no contestant has ever made an impact like the first season’s winner. Even after 10 years of the game ratings have never exceeded those of the oft re-watched first season. The brutality, the gore, ruthless self-interest. The spectacle of that first game launched an enthusiasm that has only grown with time. The winning contestant’s combination of power, cunning, and sheer will to live made him an instant crowd favorite. He bested every trap and left a bloody trail through the sharks, crocodiles, and other players that the game had arranged against him. He swam out of the death trap unopposed.
Nothing like it has been seen since. His performance set the tone for all the seasons to come. He was so successful that a few years later the producers approached him in the outside world with a check and an invitation to return for future seasons. He agreed and it’s a title that has been his ever since. Aqualung.
As the water level rises. It is overtaking you now. You guys swim slash climb out. You jam the key into the padlock, your heart pounding. And for one tense moment it clicks. Then with a grinding turn the metal arm releases. You pull the chain out the way it was and turn the wheel lock. The hatch door opens and fresh air from the surface vents down to the shaft. Metal rungs extend upward. You climb and hand over hand you pull yourself up out of the cold damp crypt to safety. There is a construction truck filled with cement like a cement pourer type truck at the entrance and there seems to be some sort of remote control of the truck but you don’t see any bad guys there’s nothing there to oppose you guys from just going home.
Robert Bruce: Should we steal the truck?
Tommy spades: It seems to be a remote control. We have to get you two to the hospital.
Robert Bruce : Ah yeah, good point. And probably me too.
He hit me for 18 damage and I’m 30.
Tommy Spades : Yeah, that’s right, the axe thing. I heard it but I wasn’t I was not expecting that. I took damage. We need to get him to the hospital.
Cave Johnson : I have damage.
Robert Bruce : I can first aid myself.
GM : You guys can try and first aid yourselves before heading to the hospital.
Cave Johnson : No, I have a harpoon in me. I can’t first aid my way out of that.
Robert Bruce : I can probably first aid.
Cave Johnson : No, I don’t think you can.
Tommy Spades : Yeah, but you can first aid the burns.
Robert Bruce : He has a first aid kit.
Cave Johnson : No, you can’t. I will beat you with my walking stick.
Jeremy Scout : I’ve given you the meat hook.
Jimmy Clark : I can take one of the bullets apart and take the black powder out and use it to cauterize the wound.
Tommy Spades : Or we could go to the hospital.
Robert Bruce : Good idea!
Cave Johnson : Please take me to the hospital. I would like to go to the hospital.
Tommy runs off to the road and tries to flag a car.
Tommy Spades : Please help us. We’ve got some injured people that need to get to the hospital. Can you take us there? We don’t have any phones or anything.
They take you to the hospital. They call 9-1-1 on the way.
At the hospital they describe their wounds.
Jeremy Scout : I got stabbed in the back and fire damage from the chemicals.
They’re able to give you a balm that will heal your skin and stitch you up and you’ll be fine.
Robert Bruce : I took an axe. I got hit by an axe. I have the axe. I’m keeping it.
Hospital Staff : The police are going to want to talk to you, sir. But with a minor surgery, probably you’re going to be fine. Just try and take it easy on where you got hit.
Cave Johnson : Caught on fire from chemical burn and harpoon damage. The harpoon is still in me.
Hospital Staff: We are able to treat your burn because your burn was more severe. You need to take antibiotics for a little bit to prevent infection. Burns have a high rate of infection.
Robert Bruce : I should probably take antibiotics.
Tommy Spades : Let’s just hope we’re in Canada.
Jeremy Scout : I explain what happened to the cops.
You all get treatment. You’re not fine walking out, but you’re going to be fine very soon.
Tommy is sitting in the waiting room with a towel, traumatized.
The police don’t rank any arrests. They’re still investigating.